I’ve eaten a whole habanero (Scoville rating of about 200,000). 16… billion? Holy. Fuckin. Shit.
I was thinking it’d be fun to have the bhut jolokia challenge (see who could eat a bhut jolokia without puking and/or having to call 911) with only 1 million scoville units at stake… but. Holy. Fuckin. Shit. 16. Billion.
I’m not even gonna try anymore, because the hottest thing out there is 16,000 times hotter than the hottest pepper ever. Which is already 5 times hotter than the hottest thing I ever ate.
Let me tell you something, eating a raw habanero is something else (it was my idea, but everyone agreed that it would take 30 seconds of chewing to prove true manhood. Yes, I did it). Your whole esophagus and sinusoidal cavities light up like the devil just projectile diarrhoeaed Eyjafjallajökull-style right into your face pucker. I’m not even joking. Hours later you will feel it begin to boil again as it leaves the protective acid of your belly-sack and enters your tender mucosa-lined small intestine. I was waiting for a milkshake when this happened. Black, cold sweats set in as I calculated whether or not my own asshole volcanism was going to embarrass me in the restaurant before the waitress delivered soothing frozen lactal goodness. Lucky for your intrepid hero the sweet treat arrived in time. I could feel the milkshake start a fight with the habanero in the bottom of my stomach. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD EVER FEEL. EVER. You don’t even realize you can feel shit down there until this starts.
Species Euphorbia, hats off to you. I’m guessing you’re a cognate with euphoria because that’s what you induce in your consumer on their way to fiery devilorrhoeal death.
Tags: holy fuck